the colorful scraplife

“pagi sudah membangunkan ayam berkokok, kau belum bangun juga?” |”tentu saja sudah, mana mungkin aku membiarkan muka manis cemberut karena aku” “tak usah menyogoku dengan rayuan kaku mu itu, jangan kau sangka kepergianmu selama ini akan hilang bekasnya dengan kalimat manis itu” |”hey, kita sudah bahas itu berulang-ulang dan kita sepakat itu karena gengsi kita se-mahameru. Bukan salah aku sepenuhnya” “tidak. Gengsimu yang se-mahameru. Gengsiku hanya se-mahameru kurang satu langkah” |”hih, terserah kamu sayang, asal kamu mau menungguku yang akan pergi lagi dalam waktu lama” “kau ingatkan lagi. Mengapa kita tidak menikmati waktu seakan kita selamanya, anggap tak ada kepergianmu” |”tak usah bersedih. Kau cukup dewasa dengan menjagaku selama ini tanpa tangisan. Mengapa kau ragukan kuatmu untuk ku?” “karena kau disampingku dan akan tetap begitu. Dulu kau tidak disini, jadi aku tak peduli” |”yakin kau tak peduli denganku? Haha” “tidak usah menyebalkan....

Trapped. Trapped. Trapped. It was not enough being trapped in memories, then come again you, you, and you. Can I replace those you with them? Sorry, there are 4 you now.  You, you, you and you. And all of them are unconditional. They came in one time, unconditionally. I mean, I really amazed with this condition. The first you came, he’s still here and it is not special, giving attention, and he’s the one who’s caring me even just remind me to eat. No, I mean I don’t want having ‘something’ with him. He just need a girl to talk to, and maybe I am the 2 nd , 3 rd or 4 th but I am sure I am not his 1 st . 2 nd . how long it has been? 3 months? I don’t know, but I know it has been long time ago since you never contact me just to  say hello. Haha. I am doing fine here. And I stalked you sometimes, make sure that you already have a target for your next girlf. Is she a mechanical girl? Since you could not have this electrical girl? Kidding ^^.  It is good making ...

still in this department of electrical eng. universitas indonesia who want to be an electrical engineer? a lil bit depressed thinking that i have to face 2 experiments tomorrow morning, 8am for microcontroller and 10 am for control system eng. i wanna scream, cause there's no thing could make me happy. friends. yes absoulutely. make me strong cause we are in the same case now, struggling together for a reason. electrical engineer. my bad. doing things and regret . just let it go. but there is someone says "if you keep saying -let it go- , the world would not change". see? or someone else says "your efforts is the difference between the prays which will be real and not" and i keep wondering how can i make an effort without saying 'let it go' but believe that will be a situation when you could not do anything, except pray and saying it. haha sorry for my bad. take it as a joke :) -waiting for pizza hut delivery service kyaaaa.

i like express my mind to others by writing it on a sheet of paper or typing it on my gadget. it just like you can tell everything you want by writing. because sometimes you will be speechless in time when you were eye contacted with the person whom you talked to. it can be about everything, not only love, but also expression like birthday wishes, friendship or else. 2 years ago, I happily trapped in a small city w/ about 15 until 20 new persons for a month. stranger became best friends, the older became family. when i felt that i do belong to them, i just want to tell it personally. you know you could not be by all of their side. some of them are my closest. i wrote a letter at that time, the day before farewell party held and we will be separated. the letter was about my happiness and thanksgiving. suddenly  yesterday , one of them sent me the photos of my letters which i wrote 2 years ago. he said he saved it in his wallet. and when i read those words, i just feel like errggh ...

bahagia itu pilihan. perasaan emang gabisa diatur, tapi untuk sedih dan seneng itu pilihan. mungkin orang diluar sana kalo melihat dan mendengar cerita gue itu akan cenderung kasihan. padahal gue yang mengalami aja bahagia, kenapa mereka kasihan? yah jadi intinya gue bisa dikatakan stuck pada satu makhluk tuhan yang dimana satu tahun lalu bisa membuat gue memutuskan sesuatu dan bersikap lebih dewasa. tapi hubungan dengan makhluk tuhan ini cuma sebulan lebih dikit. kenapa? rahasia. hahaha ya intinya gabisa dilanjutin. awal-awal bulan pertama emang rada berat ya ngecekin chat history gitu gitulah. tapi bulan bulan berikutnya ini tuh kaya main games aja. gue ya kadang sedih, tapi banyakan bahagianya. kenapa ya? ya karena gue tidak memaksakan ini kepadanya gitu. gue terbawa angin mengalir. kalo ditanya ngarep apa engga? ya ngarep. cuma gak memaksakan. sekedar menghubungi seperlunya aja dan biasa aja. ngasih semangat, atau nanyain kabar, ya gitu gitu aja. gak setiap hari ngehubungin, nguc...